Dear Old Mister Marck:
I reside in my house alone, by myself. The phone rings frequently and I must scurry to answer it. I have almost fallen more than once in trying to answer the phone. Your advice, young man, will be gratefully considered. Thank you.
Miss Vela Groom
Newtown, TN
Miss Vela... how nice that you would call me young... that leads me to think that youre probably older than me... i do have the answer (write this down ma'am): just because the f^%#*n phone rings ...does not mean you have to answer it.... your phone most likely has caller ID on it.. .let the damn thing ring... and worry with it later... i am in the phonebook... call if i can assist you further.... hope this helps.....
Tuesday 29 November 2011
Saturday 15 October 2011
Animal House
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Thursday 13 October 2011
A Sporting Chance
Dear Old Mister Marck:
First let me say that I am so glad that you are not dead. I've missed your insights these past few months. My boyfriend and I enjoy going to various sports bars on Sundays to watch NFL football games. We meet our friends and make new ones. But lately we have noticed a large group of men in suits and dark glasses at each bar we might attend. Do you think that we are under surveillance?
Leigh in Rutherford
Well, miss leigh ... i also may or may not be glad i aint dead too ...been on a adventure that took a little time .... but in regards to your concerns ... you aint bein followed and/or monitored ....them men are just fresh out of their respective church meetins ... wear the shades for camofluage ...... they just want some beer ... whisky ... eyecandy .... and watch some football ..... should be pretty much harmless ... unless they be all drunked up ... and you are wearing the other teams colors ... hope this helps...
First let me say that I am so glad that you are not dead. I've missed your insights these past few months. My boyfriend and I enjoy going to various sports bars on Sundays to watch NFL football games. We meet our friends and make new ones. But lately we have noticed a large group of men in suits and dark glasses at each bar we might attend. Do you think that we are under surveillance?
Leigh in Rutherford
Well, miss leigh ... i also may or may not be glad i aint dead too ...been on a adventure that took a little time .... but in regards to your concerns ... you aint bein followed and/or monitored ....them men are just fresh out of their respective church meetins ... wear the shades for camofluage ...... they just want some beer ... whisky ... eyecandy .... and watch some football ..... should be pretty much harmless ... unless they be all drunked up ... and you are wearing the other teams colors ... hope this helps...
Friday 10 June 2011
Earth Science
Dear Old Mister Marck,
My name is Kellie. I am very curious about the brood xix cicadas. They came, made noise and splattered on my car. My car is a '99 Honda Accord. Sweet sound system. Its color is blue, which is my favorite color because Mother almost named me Blue. But I came out a girl and not a boy. It that not so hilarious!!?? Oops, I almost forgot. What is going on with brood xix?
Kellie
P.S. I am a middle school teacher in Lower South Kentucky which is not the same as Upper North Kentucky. Me and Daddy -- he's the principal -- anxiously await your reply.
.......hon ... i truly do appreciate.... you axin me .... about them ceecaders... but i do not think ..... any thing i may or may not tell you...... is worth the effort...... hope this helps....
My name is Kellie. I am very curious about the brood xix cicadas. They came, made noise and splattered on my car. My car is a '99 Honda Accord. Sweet sound system. Its color is blue, which is my favorite color because Mother almost named me Blue. But I came out a girl and not a boy. It that not so hilarious!!?? Oops, I almost forgot. What is going on with brood xix?
Kellie
P.S. I am a middle school teacher in Lower South Kentucky which is not the same as Upper North Kentucky. Me and Daddy -- he's the principal -- anxiously await your reply.
.......hon ... i truly do appreciate.... you axin me .... about them ceecaders... but i do not think ..... any thing i may or may not tell you...... is worth the effort...... hope this helps....
Saturday 14 May 2011
Animal Control Problems
Hello Mr.Marck,
I have a pest problem at work.No it’s not the 2 legged kind of pest but the 4 legged kind. I hear tell that you are an expert on squirrels. Here is my problem.We recently discovered that we have a squirrel living under the refrigerator in our warehouse. So as not to cause any harm,we have taken him outside 3 times, but the little critter just keeps coming back in. All he does all day is scamper across the warehouse floor looking for morcels of left over food that the sloppy sales people drop on the floor. Would it be considered inhumane to drop kick him across the parking lot, or should we just let him live in our warehouse and make a good pet out of him? We have thought about trapping him in a sales office with a certain salesperson and cut the lights off and see what happens. What are your thoughts?
Signed,
Jethro from Gobblers Knob
gobblers knob..... i was in proximity of that place ... just a couple months ago....... in search of a pint of ...human ethanol as it were.... now anybody what gots a job.... they gonna have pest problemos..... .and you got that right... I am bona fide squirrel expert well-knowledged...... i truly do not know how any human bein..... with any amount of decency.... would go field goal on one of earths tiniest critters....( even tho they just be Bushytailedtreeclimbinnuteatinwastesoffur) ............. i would suggest..... that you dropkick them poodlewalkin.... ... patent leather size 15 shoe lickin... food droppin.... "sales"people across the parkin lot.... tell em to go home and ...... and smack their mammies........ and that lights out lock-up thing......now that would depend on the "sales"person....... probably one or two of them there... that would kinda like the attention..... hope this helps...
I have a pest problem at work.No it’s not the 2 legged kind of pest but the 4 legged kind. I hear tell that you are an expert on squirrels. Here is my problem.We recently discovered that we have a squirrel living under the refrigerator in our warehouse. So as not to cause any harm,we have taken him outside 3 times, but the little critter just keeps coming back in. All he does all day is scamper across the warehouse floor looking for morcels of left over food that the sloppy sales people drop on the floor. Would it be considered inhumane to drop kick him across the parking lot, or should we just let him live in our warehouse and make a good pet out of him? We have thought about trapping him in a sales office with a certain salesperson and cut the lights off and see what happens. What are your thoughts?
Signed,
Jethro from Gobblers Knob
gobblers knob..... i was in proximity of that place ... just a couple months ago....... in search of a pint of ...human ethanol as it were.... now anybody what gots a job.... they gonna have pest problemos..... .and you got that right... I am bona fide squirrel expert well-knowledged...... i truly do not know how any human bein..... with any amount of decency.... would go field goal on one of earths tiniest critters....( even tho they just be Bushytailedtreeclimbinnuteatinwastesoffur) ............. i would suggest..... that you dropkick them poodlewalkin.... ... patent leather size 15 shoe lickin... food droppin.... "sales"people across the parkin lot.... tell em to go home and ...... and smack their mammies........ and that lights out lock-up thing......now that would depend on the "sales"person....... probably one or two of them there... that would kinda like the attention..... hope this helps...
Tuesday 10 May 2011
Job-Hunting Strategies
Dear Old Mister Mark,
I am in my mid-fifties and through no fault of my own have lost my job. I have had plenty of job interviews but for some reason no offers. I feel like my honesty in the interview process is hurting my opportunity for new employment. My question to you, Mister Marck, is: should I be dishonest about jail time and substance abuse when questioned because it always seems to cut interview short, Please advise, as I need a job.
Mack from Tunica, Mississippi
damnit mack.... i truly do feel your pain... i hold absolute honesty in the highest of regards..... such philosophy has cost myself many a job...... as i see you be from tunica... i would almost think that that bunch of folks ....would understand a man coolin his jets for awhile incarcerated......... as far as substance abuse..... aint no such thing...... hunt my ass down if you ever get up this way ....... i do believe you could help me help you.... hope this helps .........
I am in my mid-fifties and through no fault of my own have lost my job. I have had plenty of job interviews but for some reason no offers. I feel like my honesty in the interview process is hurting my opportunity for new employment. My question to you, Mister Marck, is: should I be dishonest about jail time and substance abuse when questioned because it always seems to cut interview short, Please advise, as I need a job.
Mack from Tunica, Mississippi
damnit mack.... i truly do feel your pain... i hold absolute honesty in the highest of regards..... such philosophy has cost myself many a job...... as i see you be from tunica... i would almost think that that bunch of folks ....would understand a man coolin his jets for awhile incarcerated......... as far as substance abuse..... aint no such thing...... hunt my ass down if you ever get up this way ....... i do believe you could help me help you.... hope this helps .........
Friday 6 May 2011
Night Moves
I retired early. I had a precise lifeplan. One night in cancun has unfortunately altered things quite dramatically. Your take on this, please.
Henri Fancerow
Cherry Valley, Virginia
ohh yeahhh.......a night in ...cancun.......i had a night .....in amarillo texas once.... didnt last too long....... but....i reckon my take would be........ you pretty much screwed up ......in a gigantesco fashion..... dont know what age you might be .........but ........learn to accept your misery .....you damn sure earned it........ not that there is nothin wrong with that .......hope this helps...
Henri Fancerow
Cherry Valley, Virginia
ohh yeahhh.......a night in ...cancun.......i had a night .....in amarillo texas once.... didnt last too long....... but....i reckon my take would be........ you pretty much screwed up ......in a gigantesco fashion..... dont know what age you might be .........but ........learn to accept your misery .....you damn sure earned it........ not that there is nothin wrong with that .......hope this helps...
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