Animal Control Problems

Hello Mr.Marck,
I have a pest problem at work.No it’s not the 2 legged kind of pest but the 4 legged kind. I hear tell that you are an expert on squirrels. Here is my problem.We recently discovered that we have a squirrel living under the refrigerator in our warehouse. So as not to cause  any harm,we have taken him outside 3 times,  but the little critter just keeps coming back in. All he does all day is scamper across the warehouse floor looking for morcels of left over food that the sloppy sales people drop on the floor. Would it be considered inhumane to drop kick him across the parking lot, or should we just let him live in our warehouse and make a good pet out of him? We have thought about trapping him in a sales office with a certain salesperson and cut the lights off and see what happens. What are your thoughts?
Signed,
Jethro from Gobblers Knob


gobblers  knob.....  i  was  in  proximity  of  that place  ... just  a couple  months  ago....... in  search  of  a pint  of  ...human  ethanol  as it  were....  now  anybody  what  gots  a  job.... they  gonna  have  pest  problemos..... .and  you  got  that  right... I am  bona  fide  squirrel  expert well-knowledged...... i  truly  do  not  know  how  any  human   bein.....  with  any  amount  of  decency.... would  go  field goal  on  one  of  earths  tiniest  critters....( even  tho  they  just  be  Bushytailedtreeclimbinnuteatinwastesoffur) .............  i  would  suggest..... that  you  dropkick  them  poodlewalkin.... ... patent leather   size 15 shoe lickin... food  droppin.... "sales"people across the  parkin  lot.... tell em  to go  home  and ...... and  smack  their  mammies........  and  that  lights  out  lock-up  thing......now  that  would  depend  on  the  "sales"person....... probably  one  or  two  of  them  there... that  would  kinda  like  the  attention..... hope  this  helps...

Job-Hunting Strategies

Dear Old Mister Mark,
I am in my mid-fifties and through no fault of my own have lost my job. I have had plenty of job interviews but for some reason no offers. I feel like my honesty in the interview process is hurting my opportunity for new employment. My question to you, Mister Marck, is: should I be dishonest about jail time and substance abuse when questioned because it always seems to cut interview short, Please advise, as I need a job.
Mack from Tunica, Mississippi

damnit  mack.... i  truly do  feel  your  pain... i  hold  absolute  honesty  in  the  highest  of  regards..... such  philosophy  has  cost myself  many  a  job...... as  i  see  you  be  from  tunica... i  would  almost  think  that that  bunch  of  folks  ....would understand  a man  coolin  his  jets  for  awhile  incarcerated......... as  far  as  substance  abuse..... aint  no  such  thing...... hunt  my  ass down  if  you  ever  get  up  this  way ....... i  do  believe  you  could   help  me help  you.... hope this  helps  ......... 

Night Moves

I retired early. I had a precise lifeplan.  One night in cancun  has unfortunately altered things quite dramatically.  Your take on this, please.
Henri Fancerow
Cherry Valley, Virginia

ohh  yeahhh.......a  night in ...cancun.......i  had  a night  .....in  amarillo  texas  once.... didnt  last  too long....... but....i  reckon  my  take  would  be........ you  pretty  much  screwed  up ......in  a gigantesco  fashion.....  dont  know  what age  you  might  be .........but ........learn   to  accept   your  misery .....you  damn  sure  earned it........  not  that  there  is  nothin  wrong  with  that .......hope  this  helps...

Driving Tips

I am  a  stay-at-home  home schooling mom of six children.  My  19 year old daughter would like to learn the complexities of operating a motor vehicle. I am positive  a person of your experiences will be a deep source of instruction.  We will peace out until you respond.
Gracie Bumgaurtner
Beverly Hills 90212

gracie...gracie..gracie......given  your  alledged  situation.....i think  it  is  way  toodamn  late  to  stick  any  of  your  offspring  behind  the  wheel  ......of  anything ....what  gots  tires  on  it.... .those  things  can  make  you   move  forward......   but....that  bein  said... try  to  ingrain  into  that  212  brain  of  hers......  NO.. FEMALE.. LEFTS.. that  bein... a  left  turn  ..to be  executed.. at  any  juncture....is  to  be  at  a  true  90  degree  angle..........not  a fkn 39.5  angle....with  a  fkn  cellphone  stuck  in  her  ear..... and  knockin  some  old  bastards..bumper  and  drivers  side  headlight   into  the  intersection .... NO.. .FKN... FEMALE... LEFTS .....hope  this  helps....